I wonder, I know

I wonder what it feels like to be someone's muse, Do you know how it feels like to have one?

Wonder what it feels like to be in love, with someone who returns the same intentions. 

I know what it feels like to feel all alone in room where they're all ignoring you're actions.

I know what if feels like to have no drive to be assertive, because they're insistent have having the last word in. 

Change

Too many days I've gone waiting for change,

Too many weeks I've gone waiting for change, 

Too many years I've gone waiting for change. 

I'm not going to get to a Decade.

I'm ready for a fucking change.

 

Lonely Teardrop

A heart is just 2 lonely teardrops that come together when their worlds turn upside down, 

& Things Heat Up

I'm still just a lonely teardrop.  

I need a spark back in my sparkle

How do you be happy, when all you can feel is pain

How do you feel grateful, when you're coming up short again.

How do you count your blessings when you're struggling to survive.

After all these years, I don't even know how I'm Still Alive

I Pray & I pray, I watch funny movies, listen to happy music, but ALL I can do is cry, 

Wishing for a spark, wishing for some answers why. 

Because tomorrow is just another fucking day,

And all I do is question if I’ll ever find a way. 

I lost the spark to my sparkle far too

 long ago, wonder if someone found it, and maybe give it back, you know.

Knew You Better

 

I know you better than the ones that see you every day

I know what the look on your face means, and every time you say

something with the corners of your mouth turned down, 

that something makes you uncomfortable, no one else notices this when they're around

And I knew you better. 

But you'd rather frown

Ruffling my feathers

All I can do is cry when I think of you.

All I can do is wish I never went through this, sorry, sometimes it's true.

All these years cycling down the drain,

All these years of this toxicity, Inflicting each other's pain.

I'm not an angel, I definitely had my part, but you sit there & act like it's ALL my fault. 

YOU CAN'T EVEN STEP UP & BE AN ADULT. 

I PUT FAR too much energy into being disrespected & used, 

I'm tired of the constant emotional & financial abuse. 

When I stand up for myself, you inflict your blame & project your abuses on me,

You back me into a corner, & point your finger back at me times 3.

It's my fault that I'm a bird & you're a cat, 

it's my fault that you're hungry & I'm trapped. 

It's my fault , ALL I did was tweet, 

it's my fault my feather's are in your teeth. 

🌪️

 🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️

My life scattered in pieces like the wreckage from a tornado, 

Who would have know this is where my life would go.

No control over any aspect of my future, living almost a quarter of my life with a fucking moocher.

no time to think, process, or even consider my reactions.

Decisions made for me without me in concideration. 

Assuming they know what's best for me, but not caring how I feel, who cares what I'm feeling.

When a guy for years won't even let you pick the song on the radio, then you turn away from him and says you're the heartbreaker. 

When he wakes up before you, and then goes for his second cup of coffee even before you've had your first.

Then when he takes up your space and won't give you privacy is the absolute worst.

When you just want to break free, and he keeps spinning you on that wheel for how many years, weeks, days? Dangling cheese making you think that maybe things will be different in ways.

When you Know where your life is leading you, but no one there to help you stand,  you hit a brick wall, 

Like a tornado sent you there, just threw you there, Smash, Crash, & Fall. ™

°keep coming back here too, huh? If I know you use my work to inspire you, do I GET PAID? Or is ASKING just a lost cause?