Narcissistic Abuse and Family & Friends Alienated...

 

My PREVIOUS ex from 15 years ago, who worked only for beer, and ditched me when we couldn't afford rent...

This Man, while I was going through shit, he asked me to share something that would help him out because he also went through some emergency. I did share his post.

 Then, I was told by family, not by him or my mom) I with my mom and driving her car. While he asked for help. But didn't tell me. 

And he's friends with my sister and brother... They don't talk to me either.

Not that I want to talk to my brother, he's always been a jerk, ask ANYONE in my family, that's just my brother... 

My sister does ONCE in a blue moon, but not in a Sister way, more like a

 "shit, let me throw a bit of money to shut that woman up"

Its probably NOT HOW it is, but it's definitely how it feels.

My family never calls. I'm the one who has to contact them FIRST, every time, and since no one cares, it's usually to ask for help only cuz people don't care when I just want to say hi.

I've spent years from relationship to relationship, starving for this love and attention I never get from the people who are supposed to be there.

 Then, I noticed how my mom would train the guys I'm with that ALL THEIR NEEDS WILL be met, men rule the house. Then she would sit back and let me do everything...

My last 4 boyfriends have been trained by her to make me do everything like a fucking servant...

My RECENT ex is what made me notice, yes, the one who I've gone through SO MUCH trauma with, HE made me see this...

Because he was like this at her house too, and I'd get pushed on either side. He'd say "don't  do everything for her, and I don't want to help, so let's go"

But she would say "You didn't finish every last dish, you left a spoon in the sink at Thanksgiving, you don't love or respect me"

And people wonder why I'm lazy in my own space after spending all day waiting on people hand and foot in the community space.

I'm just annoying. I'm just always too sad, moody, needy. Oops sorry. Its called trauma from neglect. I'm growing up and DIGGING myself out. I will Not Be A VICTIM. 

I should have someone to turn to, and not worry whether my EX from over a decade ago will be there.

But now I just need to Be there for MYSELF.

Knowing my mom Loves Me, but also seeing that I was raised to be an adult since I was a child... I was Jr Mom, I was taking care of my family... The CHILD being the mom... 

It took my entire life to realize this was abuse. 

I forgive my mother in so many ways. My childhood blessed compared to hers. 

I feel like I was raised to take care of her cuz she just didn't want to do it anymore. Now she is mad at me that I'm not at her beck & call, so she doesn't call me. Now she has my ex.

My birthday card called me her best friend. But she hasn't called me in over a year. 

She doesn't txt me, unless I repeatedly text her.

I was only raised to be a slave to someone my entire life. Well I'm tired too. 

This is why I forgive her. My life was a cake walk compared to hers.

It's also why I felt I needed to take care of her AND sacrifice my life for it. 

Wonderful it is to be the Scapegoat.

I blame Cultural ENABLING & silence.

I was raised to take care of her physically, to wait on her, while my sister was raised to financially take care of her. 

We were both cultured In Artistic Skills, dance, music, but my sister was the social butterfly so she was the breadwinner. She would take care of her financially later on. In the meantime I would sacrifice my life to take care of her. Since I stopped, she stopped calling and got my ex in her life to make me feel like shit, remind me that My friends and Exes we're always better than me. (Ask any friend of mine, she let them have whatever they wanted, the guest of honor, and I'd be the one to give it to them) 

But that wasn't intentional... She just wanted help since my sister moved to make her career.

I been serving her her meals since she was a baby. On a Silver tray...